
I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage recently. Marriages are good news stories, and there oughta be more of them!
My two adult children, both in great long-term relationships, have shown no interest in getting married. “What does marriage even mean?” they would say in my imagined conversations with them. “What could an obsolete idea of marriage possibly add to our relationship except force us through a meaningless ritual straight out of the old world?”
“Well, neither of you’ve been married,” I’d retort in my dialogue with them. “Maybe you’ll just have to take my word for it.”
Then I’d watch their eyes glaze over. They’d reach for their smartphones, check their Instagram feeds to escape another embarrassing harangue from their father.
And all I could muster would be a vague claim that it deepens your relationship with your partner. That by declaring your love for each other in front of your family and community, you’d deepen your bond, clarify and strengthen it, bring new and unexpected meaning to your relationship. And the result, in my experience, is a unique sweetness that lasts over time whenever you reflect on your union.
Enter Laurie Anderson. Many may remember her as the 1980s electronic musician who sang the song, “O Superman,” an enigmatic masterpiece of a pop song.1
An added tenderness
She is also known as the long-term partner of Lou Reed, another great musician, late of the Velvet Underground, who also had an enduring career as a solo artist. Yeah, Lou Reed is (was) a hero of mine.
Lou died in 2013, sadly, and Laurie Anderson published a beautiful tribute to Lou and her marriage to him in Rolling Stone. The article greatly affected me because she brought her poetic sensibility to the pro-marriage argument I try to convey to my son and daughter. Especially these few lines:
“When you marry your best friend of many years, there should be another name for it. But the thing that surprised me about getting married was the way it altered time. And also the way it added a tenderness that was somehow completely new.”
I’d like to ask Laurie what she means, exactly, by “the way it altered time,” but I’m sure it would resonate with me, somehow. But about the new, unexpected tenderness that comes from marriage, I know what she means.
I’ve experienced that in both my marriages (proof that this is a scientifically reproducible fact 😉!).
The declaration of love between two human beings is such an intimate act, sharing profound tenderness and vulnerability. Though there may be tentativeness at first, if it grows over time and the partners become more assured of their love for each other, a confident step is to take it into the community.
A thousand hands holding the couple up
Marriage can be anything we want it to be, but I’ve found it most potent as a celebration of love held and supported by the community that attends it. There is an implicit and explicit blessing of the union, a bestowing of approval as if a thousand hands are holding the couple up.
Yes! Marriage is a good news story! Here are two people bold enough to stand up and declare their union before their family and friends. This is love. This is what we value. And in blessing this union, we are all part of the union … in the figurative sense, of course.
It is a powerful ceremony that has been held in one form or another since time immemorial.
Go through that ceremony, and you see your lover with new eyes. There is something now that hadn’t existed before. And in my experience — and Laurie Anderson’s — that is a unique and unexpected tenderness.
Here that, my two beautiful kids? Laurie Anderson says the same thing as your old man! And she’s pretty hip! (At least she was back in the day).

Feeding the wedding guests
This past weekend there were at least two weddings on Pender Island I was aware of. For one of them, I had been asked to bake 300 burger buns. I’d twice baked at least that many hot cross buns, but it was no less a monumental task for this fresh baker. I rolled and shaped buns on into the night, fitting in a one-hour nap between risings.
They were baked and ready to go on time. Until I realized I didn’t know where the buns were to be delivered. Maybe the wedding was at the Community Hall, I thought. Turned out there was indeed a wedding there, but it was the wrong one!
As I walked back to my car, I saw a different bride and groom in the parking lot! This was MY bride and groom, just returned from their wedding ceremony, and we had a good laugh about the poor baker who had no idea where their buns were going to go! Luck!
“Drive down to the very end of Liberto Road, bear right, go past the boat and turn left onto the field,” the groom told me. “That’s right on the old airstrip. You’ll see a bunch of people, and that’s where you want to be.”
The two of them were floating, not in a dreamy sense, but excited, almost distracted.
Celebrating a marriage and gathering once again
The scene at the airstrip was like something from a Thomas Hardy novel. Smartly dressed people milled about in a field of long grass. Sounds of laughter and happy chatter. Kids lobbed bean bags across the reception area into holes cut into boxes. An enormous pig was roasting on a spit. Lights were strung along poles, tables laden with food and desserts. A barn with a bandstand and bar would nourish the evening with dance and celebration into the night.
It was a celebration of a marriage and maybe also one of gathering once again after a long period of isolation. People were maintaining their safe distances but also moving cautiously back into this most human form of festivity.
I stood awhile taking it all in, an exhausted baker, wondering where my buns would go, hardly recognizing a soul. The bride’s mother found me, greeted me warmly and helped me carry the buns to the food tables. She got me a glass of wine, and we had a lovely chat under the evening sky, sharing stories, watching people.
It was an honour to feed the wedding guests, a reward for being part of the celebration. I can’t think of a more excellent reward for working through the night than being a part of two friends’ marriage. We were all bound together in this act of sweet tenderness.
Milling a little corn to mix in with some marinated olives before they go into a tapenade infused dough. Big olive flavour … plus a rare shot of Mildrith, the wood-fired oven!
Nov 19

Milling a little corn to mix in with some marinated olives before they go into a tapenade infused dough. Big olive flavour … plus a rare shot of Mildrith, the wood-fired oven!
Happy Monk Tidings - November 15, 2023 BAKER`S CHOICE this week: Olive Sourdough Loaf; AND: An Emotional Weather Report [ See LinkTree in Profile ] 🍞
Nov 15
![Happy Monk Tidings - November 15, 2023 BAKER'S CHOICE this week: Olive Sourdough Loaf; AND: An Emotional Weather Report [ See LinkTree in Profile ] 🍞](https://i0.wp.com/happymonkbaking.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed-pro/img/placeholder.png?w=980&ssl=1)
Happy Monk Tidings - November 15, 2023 BAKER`S CHOICE this week: Olive Sourdough Loaf; AND: An Emotional Weather Report [ See LinkTree in Profile ] 🍞
Happy Monk Tidings - November 1, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE: Sourdough Sandwich Loaf; BLOG: Don`t Let That Wonder Lawyer Tell You It`s Not Real Bread! [ See LinkTree in Profile ]
Nov 1
![Happy Monk Tidings - November 1, 2023 🍞 - BAKER'S CHOICE: Sourdough Sandwich Loaf; BLOG: Don't Let That Wonder Lawyer Tell You It's Not Real Bread! [ See LinkTree in Profile ]](https://i0.wp.com/happymonkbaking.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed-pro/img/placeholder.png?w=980&ssl=1)
Happy Monk Tidings - November 1, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE: Sourdough Sandwich Loaf; BLOG: Don`t Let That Wonder Lawyer Tell You It`s Not Real Bread! [ See LinkTree in Profile ]
Dylan Thomas, one of my muses, would have been 109 years old this Friday, Oct. 27. One of a small-handful of poets whose words are cherished and summoned often for their music and wisdom. They soothe, they sing, they evoke. I`ll be thinking of him this bread day, under "the mustardseed sun"….. and the "switchback sea"…. as he "celebrates and spurns his driftwood thirty fifth wind turned age."
.
.
.
.
#dylanthomas #poetsofinstagram #poetrylovers #poetryisnotdead #poetryofinstagram #poets #poetryislife #poetrylove #poetrydaily #poetryworld #poetryinstagram #bakerpoets #poetryforbakers #southpenderisland #penderisland
Happy Monk Tidings - October 25, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE - Sprouted Emmer Sourdough; BLOG: Happy Birthday, Dylan Thomas! [See LinkTree in Profile ]
Oct 25
![Dylan Thomas, one of my muses, would have been 109 years old this Friday, Oct. 27. One of a small-handful of poets whose words are cherished and summoned often for their music and wisdom. They soothe, they sing, they evoke. I'll be thinking of him this bread day, under "the mustardseed sun"….. and the "switchback sea"…. as he "celebrates and spurns his driftwood thirty fifth wind turned age."
.
.
.
.
#dylanthomas #poetsofinstagram #poetrylovers #poetryisnotdead #poetryofinstagram #poets #poetryislife #poetrylove #poetrydaily #poetryworld #poetryinstagram #bakerpoets #poetryforbakers #southpenderisland #penderisland
Happy Monk Tidings - October 25, 2023 🍞 - BAKER'S CHOICE - Sprouted Emmer Sourdough; BLOG: Happy Birthday, Dylan Thomas! [See LinkTree in Profile ]](https://i0.wp.com/happymonkbaking.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed-pro/img/placeholder.png?w=980&ssl=1)
Dylan Thomas, one of my muses, would have been 109 years old this Friday, Oct. 27. One of a small-handful of poets whose words are cherished and summoned often for their music and wisdom. They soothe, they sing, they evoke. I`ll be thinking of him this bread day, under "the mustardseed sun"….. and the "switchback sea"…. as he "celebrates and spurns his driftwood thirty fifth wind turned age."
.
.
.
.
#dylanthomas #poetsofinstagram #poetrylovers #poetryisnotdead #poetryofinstagram #poets #poetryislife #poetrylove #poetrydaily #poetryworld #poetryinstagram #bakerpoets #poetryforbakers #southpenderisland #penderisland
Happy Monk Tidings - October 25, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE - Sprouted Emmer Sourdough; BLOG: Happy Birthday, Dylan Thomas! [See LinkTree in Profile ]
Happy Monk Tidings - BLOG: Abundance: Season of Apples; Baker`s Choice: Pender Island Apple Bread with Pender Apples and Twin Island Cider - October 4, 2023 🍞 [ See LinkTree in Profile ]
Oct 4
![Happy Monk Tidings - BLOG: Abundance: Season of Apples; Baker's Choice: Pender Island Apple Bread with Pender Apples and Twin Island Cider - October 4, 2023 🍞 [ See LinkTree in Profile ]](https://i0.wp.com/happymonkbaking.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed-pro/img/placeholder.png?w=980&ssl=1)
Happy Monk Tidings - BLOG: Abundance: Season of Apples; Baker`s Choice: Pender Island Apple Bread with Pender Apples and Twin Island Cider - October 4, 2023 🍞 [ See LinkTree in Profile ]
Happy Monk Tidings - September 27, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE THIS WEEK: Harvest Bread; BLOG: Positively Fourth Avenue - [ See LinkTree in Profile ]
Sep 27
![Happy Monk Tidings - September 27, 2023 🍞 - BAKER'S CHOICE THIS WEEK: Harvest Bread; BLOG: Positively Fourth Avenue - [ See LinkTree in Profile ]](https://i0.wp.com/happymonkbaking.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed-pro/img/placeholder.png?w=980&ssl=1)
Happy Monk Tidings - September 27, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE THIS WEEK: Harvest Bread; BLOG: Positively Fourth Avenue - [ See LinkTree in Profile ]
Happy Monk Tidings - September 20, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE: Garlic Levain Bread; BLOG: Harumph! Author Says Leave the Baking to the Professionals! [ See LinkTree in Profile ]
Sep 20
![Happy Monk Tidings - September 20, 2023 🍞 - BAKER'S CHOICE: Garlic Levain Bread; BLOG: Harumph! Author Says Leave the Baking to the Professionals! [ See LinkTree in Profile ]](https://i0.wp.com/happymonkbaking.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed-pro/img/placeholder.png?w=980&ssl=1)
Happy Monk Tidings - September 20, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE: Garlic Levain Bread; BLOG: Harumph! Author Says Leave the Baking to the Professionals! [ See LinkTree in Profile ]
A hefty Country Miche, formula from Breadlines published by Bread Bakers Guild of America. Hefty in size, hefty in flavour. Four flours (Sifted Metchosin Wheat, Rye, Buckwheat, Spelt), a super-active levain and an intense crust colour. I think I’m addicted! It’s kind of finicky, though, and trying to work out a reasonable schedule to produce 40 loaves for Happy Monk customers.
.
.
.
.
. #bread #realbread #naturallyleavened #baker #bakery #bbga #artisanbread #breadhead #sourdough #sourdoughbread #penderisland #southpenderislands #happymonkbaking #happymonkbakingcompany #wholegrainbread #breadhead #michebread #realbread #rusticbread #southerngulfislands #southerngulfislandsbakers #southerngulfislandsbakeries
Sep 14

A hefty Country Miche, formula from Breadlines published by Bread Bakers Guild of America. Hefty in size, hefty in flavour. Four flours (Sifted Metchosin Wheat, Rye, Buckwheat, Spelt), a super-active levain and an intense crust colour. I think I’m addicted! It’s kind of finicky, though, and trying to work out a reasonable schedule to produce 40 loaves for Happy Monk customers.
.
.
.
.
. #bread #realbread #naturallyleavened #baker #bakery #bbga #artisanbread #breadhead #sourdough #sourdoughbread #penderisland #southpenderislands #happymonkbaking #happymonkbakingcompany #wholegrainbread #breadhead #michebread #realbread #rusticbread #southerngulfislands #southerngulfislandsbakers #southerngulfislandsbakeries
REMINDER: Happy Monk is on Summer Break! We`re off on our annual late summer respite. Next bread day is Sept. 22. See you then! (photo by Davy Joel Rippner)
Sep 6

REMINDER: Happy Monk is on Summer Break! We`re off on our annual late summer respite. Next bread day is Sept. 22. See you then! (photo by Davy Joel Rippner)
Happy Monk Tidings - August 30, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE: Mountain Rye Bread; BLOG: Making Bread and Art With A Message; NOTE: Happy Monk is on Holiday for the Next Two Weeks - https://mailchi.mp/ae234548bd1a/happy_monk_tidings_aug30
Aug 30

Happy Monk Tidings - August 30, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE: Mountain Rye Bread; BLOG: Making Bread and Art With A Message; NOTE: Happy Monk is on Holiday for the Next Two Weeks - https://mailchi.mp/ae234548bd1a/happy_monk_tidings_aug30
Happy Monk Tidings - August 23, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE: Bold Beer Bread; BLOG: Cheese Karma; More Happy Monk holidays coming soon! https://mailchi.mp/783a72739071/happy_monk_tidings_aug23
Aug 23

Happy Monk Tidings - August 23, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE: Bold Beer Bread; BLOG: Cheese Karma; More Happy Monk holidays coming soon! https://mailchi.mp/783a72739071/happy_monk_tidings_aug23
TASTE TEST! I’ve admired @eds_bred of Whistler for some time, though never been there or tasted their bread. But a generous customer brought me a loaf yesterday, a beautiful-looking Sesame-Poppyseed loaf. Coincidentally, I’d made a Sesame Sourdough loaf as my Baker’s Choice this week. How did the two loaves stack up? The Ed’s Bred’s loaf was gorgeous with a dark, sesame-poppyseed crust, lovely colour, subtle flavour. The wood-fired Happy Monk entry had a little less colour, but packed a powerful sesame whoomph. Great flavour for sesame fans! What can we learn from this?
(Looking forward to Ed’s book, Bred, coming in November!)
.
.
.
.
.
.
#sesame #sesamebread #breadhead #breadlove #wildyeast #naturallyleavened #baker #bakery #bread #sourdough #sourdoughbaking #sourdoughbread #bakersofinstagram #artisanbread #realbread #rusticbread #woodfired #woodfiredbread #woodfiredovenbread #whistler #whistlerbread #sesamepoppyseed #penderisland #southpenderisland #happymonkbaking #happymonkbakingcompany
Aug 12

TASTE TEST! I’ve admired @eds_bred of Whistler for some time, though never been there or tasted their bread. But a generous customer brought me a loaf yesterday, a beautiful-looking Sesame-Poppyseed loaf. Coincidentally, I’d made a Sesame Sourdough loaf as my Baker’s Choice this week. How did the two loaves stack up? The Ed’s Bred’s loaf was gorgeous with a dark, sesame-poppyseed crust, lovely colour, subtle flavour. The wood-fired Happy Monk entry had a little less colour, but packed a powerful sesame whoomph. Great flavour for sesame fans! What can we learn from this?
(Looking forward to Ed’s book, Bred, coming in November!)
.
.
.
.
.
.
#sesame #sesamebread #breadhead #breadlove #wildyeast #naturallyleavened #baker #bakery #bread #sourdough #sourdoughbaking #sourdoughbread #bakersofinstagram #artisanbread #realbread #rusticbread #woodfired #woodfiredbread #woodfiredovenbread #whistler #whistlerbread #sesamepoppyseed #penderisland #southpenderisland #happymonkbaking #happymonkbakingcompany
Happy Monk Tidings - August 9, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE: Sesame Sourdough; BLOG: Say A Prayer For The Perfect Loaf; ANNOUNCEMENT: Happy Monk Summer Holiday Schedule https://mailchi.mp/99197a16b166/happy_monk_tidings_aug9
Aug 9

Happy Monk Tidings - August 9, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE: Sesame Sourdough; BLOG: Say A Prayer For The Perfect Loaf; ANNOUNCEMENT: Happy Monk Summer Holiday Schedule https://mailchi.mp/99197a16b166/happy_monk_tidings_aug9
Happy Monk Blog - July 26, 2023 🍞 - Swimming the Neighbourhoods; how John Cheever`s short story, The Swimmer, made more sense to kids in the summertime. [See LinkTree in Profile ]
Jul 26
![Happy Monk Blog - July 26, 2023 🍞 - Swimming the Neighbourhoods; how John Cheever's short story, The Swimmer, made more sense to kids in the summertime. [See LinkTree in Profile ]](https://i0.wp.com/happymonkbaking.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed-pro/img/placeholder.png?w=980&ssl=1)
Happy Monk Blog - July 26, 2023 🍞 - Swimming the Neighbourhoods; how John Cheever`s short story, The Swimmer, made more sense to kids in the summertime. [See LinkTree in Profile ]
Lay your head on this pillow soft Potato-Rosemary Loaf, breathe in the aromatic rosemary leaves plucked straight from the garden. And when you wake, a glorious wood-fired loaf awaits … you might spread a little butter, drizzle some honey and your dreams may come true!
.
.
.
#potatobread #sourdough #sourdoughbread #woodfired #woodfiredoven #coboven #woodfiredovenbread #woodfiredbread #coboven #bread #sourdough #sourdoughbread #realbread #naturallyleavened #baker #bakery #bbga #breadhead #breadlove #baker #happymonkbaker #happymonkbaking #artisanbread #rusticbread #penderisland #southpenderisland
Jul 16

Lay your head on this pillow soft Potato-Rosemary Loaf, breathe in the aromatic rosemary leaves plucked straight from the garden. And when you wake, a glorious wood-fired loaf awaits … you might spread a little butter, drizzle some honey and your dreams may come true!
.
.
.
#potatobread #sourdough #sourdoughbread #woodfired #woodfiredoven #coboven #woodfiredovenbread #woodfiredbread #coboven #bread #sourdough #sourdoughbread #realbread #naturallyleavened #baker #bakery #bbga #breadhead #breadlove #baker #happymonkbaker #happymonkbaking #artisanbread #rusticbread #penderisland #southpenderisland
Happy Monk Blog - July 12, 2023 🍞 - "Nothing I Cared in the Lamb White Days" - Climate change and watching the moon rise over the Salish Sea. [ See LinkTree in Profile ]
Jul 12
![Happy Monk Blog - July 12, 2023 🍞 - "Nothing I Cared in the Lamb White Days" - Climate change and watching the moon rise over the Salish Sea. [ See LinkTree in Profile ]](https://i0.wp.com/happymonkbaking.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed-pro/img/placeholder.png?w=980&ssl=1)
Happy Monk Blog - July 12, 2023 🍞 - "Nothing I Cared in the Lamb White Days" - Climate change and watching the moon rise over the Salish Sea. [ See LinkTree in Profile ]
Happy Monk Tidings - July 5, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE: Olive Sourdough; ReBLOG: Salvador Dalí and the Art of Bread [ Click LinkTree in Profile ]
Jul 5
![Happy Monk Tidings - July 5, 2023 🍞 - BAKER'S CHOICE: Olive Sourdough; ReBLOG: Salvador Dalí and the Art of Bread [ Click LinkTree in Profile ]](https://i0.wp.com/happymonkbaking.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed-pro/img/placeholder.png?w=980&ssl=1)
Happy Monk Tidings - July 5, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE: Olive Sourdough; ReBLOG: Salvador Dalí and the Art of Bread [ Click LinkTree in Profile ]
Happy Monk Tidings - June 28, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE: Spelt and Honey Sourdough; BLOG: Black Robe and Rise of the Machine [ See LinkTree in Profile ]
Jun 28
![Happy Monk Tidings - June 28, 2023 🍞 - BAKER'S CHOICE: Spelt and Honey Sourdough; BLOG: Black Robe and Rise of the Machine [ See LinkTree in Profile ]](https://i0.wp.com/happymonkbaking.com/wp-content/plugins/instagram-feed-pro/img/placeholder.png?w=980&ssl=1)
Happy Monk Tidings - June 28, 2023 🍞 - BAKER`S CHOICE: Spelt and Honey Sourdough; BLOG: Black Robe and Rise of the Machine [ See LinkTree in Profile ]
Long bake bake Friday … one problem after another. But all turned out well, including the proud and mighty Seed Feast loaves. Thanks as always to @leathersmithe for assistance and encouragement!
Jun 24

Long bake bake Friday … one problem after another. But all turned out well, including the proud and mighty Seed Feast loaves. Thanks as always to @leathersmithe for assistance and encouragement!
Sample lyrics
. . .
So hold me, Mom, in your long arms
In your automatic arms.
Your electronic arms.
In your arms.
So hold me, Mom, in your long arms
Your petrochemical arms
Your military arms
In your electronic arms
— (see full lyrics here)↩
Hi David, Thanks for putting it out there. When I came to Pender to care for my aging Mom she said “Get a job!” One of several I secured was DJing – mostly weddings and some volunteer Pender community events. Many of the weddings were very touching for me – the effort and beauty created in support of the couples’ declarations of love. Pretty well all had lived together before taking another step. One couple, as they wer introduced after signing had me Play Queen “Another One Bites The Dust!” Many ways to celebrate!! And, Wendy and I have been quietly celebrating 30+ years – STILL COMMON LAW at age 73 both!
Kushad, you make a strong point here. While I found both my marriages moving and affirming, it is the relationships themselves that are, in the end, the most meaningful, most enduring. I was surprised to find myself standing on “the altar” declaring my love for my partner in front of family and friends. It was an affirmation, but also a connection to love and meaning in our community, our circle of friends and family. I loved that. But that’s not to say you can’t find the same meaning and fulfilment in a common-law relationship as you and Wendy have! A lot of institutions have lost their meaning in our time, and a marriage ceremony isn’t for everyone. What matters is the relationship. Congratulations on the 30+ years, the two of you! Life is grand, ain’t it?
❤😁👍!
Thanks for the yummy sourdough bread today. Got to share it with my brother who has not been here to visit since the beginning of pandemic. I came to Pender Island with my husband Keith, a family physician. He wanted to retire here for so many years. But we waited too long for retirement. He was already ailing when we arrived and only got to know, certainly not to enjoy Pender Island the way we wanted to, for a few months before he passed away at Christmas that year. I stay. He, Keith, was my 3rd marriage. Terry, my first husband had a very aggressive, non-remitting type of MS and only lived for a few years after diagnosis. Bill, my second husband, died from a sudden cardiac episode at age 31. He was a Canadian champion runner, certainly fit. Life has a way of humbling us. I celebrate 3 wonderful marriages, and have 5 beautiful children.
Thanks for this beautiful, poignant story, Elizabeth. It´s got sadness, but it’s also life-affirming. You’ve risen above that sadness and taken stock of the joy your marriages have brought. I do think marriages are special, but I also respect that others can find the deepest fulfilment in long-term relationships without marriage.